I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
