I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
