Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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