I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
