I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
