You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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