babies were throwing up all over the place
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
