I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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