I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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