I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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