he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
