I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
