wanna go halves on a baby?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
