East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just cut my nipple shaving
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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