Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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