How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You can't motorboat a personality
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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