I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
