I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
