Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
