i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
