can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
