I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
