so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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