I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
