i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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