I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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