Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
