today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
