would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
