does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
