new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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