I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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