So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
