Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
