U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
