i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
