the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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