Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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