Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
