There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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