don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
