im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
operation harelip BJ is a go
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
