im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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