Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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