Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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