We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
