Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He shit in the fireplace
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
