I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
