My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
