Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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