Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
