somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
