she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
