I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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