She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
