Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
