OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
