Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
