Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
