I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
