Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
