Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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