This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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