How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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