My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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