? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
