but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
