The maid of honor just puked.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
