we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
