i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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