Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
