Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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