Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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