Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
